IMMIGRANT DAUGHTER 63

It has been a week since I last posted and weather wise a lot has happened. Here in Arkansas we have had freezing weather and six inches of snow and for me that is more than I have seen since living up north.

It is a bit of  an in convenience  for me for me not being able to drive myself around and therefore I am a shut in. I really don’t mind being alone but I must tell you of an incident I experienced this  past holiday.

Since my better half passed on three years ago it really hit me low. I became very depressed and not liking myself at all. When I snapped out of it after going to the doctor and asking for some help just to get over the bumps in the road. I am not a willing pill taker. I did not get to see my regular doctor and had to see an associate in the clinic. Not liking it but accepting it. The doctor was either Indian or or Hindu and I had to give him a complete run down of my medical history. This is why I want to stick to just one doctor. Even though my medical history is in the computer he asked me all the usual questions because he was too lazy to read it ahead of time.

I can go on about what a bummer this visit turned out to be but I took the script he prescribed and left. I mailed it in to my mail order pharmacy and when I got it back I started taking it. I never read the contra indications of the drug just the directions of when and how to take it. That was my first mistake. Mistake number two would show my prejudices and that is not good.

One day while getting bills ready to be paid I all ways go through the the extra junk paper to throw away so it won’t pile up. I started to read the rest of the information that came with the drug he prescribed and realized this is an indicative drug you can never stop and my brain went WHOA and no wine or drink of any kind. I immediately weaned myself off this off this by cutting the pill in half and taking it every other day until it was gone.

I am not a habitual drinker but I do like a glass of wine or even two and for me not to be able to indulge at all would be adding to the problem I went to eliminate. I can remember my better half was a pill pusher selling drugs to the doctors and hospitals and he told me so many things to avoid and drugs like this was one of them.

I called my mail order pharmacy and had to go through the rigger  ma roll of trying to talk to a real person and not a machine. That is another pet peeve I have calling and trying to reach someone to talk to and being told don’t hang up you call is important to us and leave us hanging on to battle the machine and finally get the “leave you name, age and why you are calling and someone will get back to0 you”. This makes you having to stay glued to the house until they call back like my time is not important as important as theirs.

When I did get a call back and was put through to a person I told them not to send this drug to me ever again and explained to them why.  They said they understand and would wipe it from my record. They did confirm the danger of  the addict ion to this drug.  Most of my life has been spent of having to take insulin to live and I wasn’t needing another crutch to live on. I know people that think pills are the answer, but I do not

Well I am over the depression state now that the holidays are over and I feel great not perfect but just great.

I received four puzzles for Christmas all different and I started to put one together. A thousand pieces will keep me busy for several weeks. In between I am enjoying the sports and getting ready for March madness in college basketball. I do have a couple of favorites.

Carl and I loved to watch all the teams play but we did want the favorites end the year in the top so we could root root for the home team. He always like the big ten schools and I always liked Pennsylvania and East Coast teams. We would have lots of fun kidding each other while enjoying our beer and popcorn watching the game. I can’t explain the inner pleasure we had but I can tell you I miss that when I am watching the games by myself. The weekends were relaxing times for us because it was special.

My home is small but comfortable and the saying “a place for everything and everything in its’ place. I have a small plastic tool box on my two drawer file cabinet that has wheels I have the small tools like hammer, pliers, level and the like. They all have my initials on the handle. I had to do this because Carl was great for not being able to find his tools half of the time because he would lend them out to  anyone and never get them back. So I kept my own tool for the house so  that I could find what I needed to hang a picture or what ever I needed a tool for.

We really were compatible and blessed that the Lord Jesus put us together to share our lives. I know this more now that he is gone and I am still here. And yes, I am not in the state of depression.

Without the Lord I would be. Until next time I am Immigrant Daughter.

IMMIGRANT DAUGHTER 62

  It has been a long time since I posted and I didn’t want let it go too long since I got back into the swing of things. I noticed that blogging has a way of going to the back burner during the holidays.

My youngest  came to spend Christmas with me and it was a special treat for me because she lives in Virginia and that is a bit far for them to drive. She has three boys and one girl  and it is amazing to me how much they changed in one year. I must brag a bit because I think they are good looking. The boys are all over six feet plus tall and the my granddaughter wears high heels to keep up in height, I could remember wearing high heels but never that high. It was encouraging to see young people with lots of life. I couldn’t house them all in my two bedroom Mobil home so the boys stayed down with daughter-in-law and daughter and granddaughter stayed with me. I had one folding bed and rented one so they were at least up from the floor. They had their own bath so that worked out fine.

I had gotten into a state where I didn’t want to cook or if I did nothing tasted good. You know it is easy to slip into depression. And I made up my mind that was not going to happen  after I went through two weeks of it. So at this point I want to tell you I will continue about my life.

My daughter in law tells me about some of the sad tales of families breaking up with the lame excuse we fell out of love and don’t want to live together any more. and when finding out more there is always an involvement of a girl friend or boy friend. They think  that when trials come on they can just walk away. Vows made meant  nothing. It seems to me upon hearing some of the stories the couples left God out of their lives. I know even those who know the Lord and strayed like my son did  is heart breaking. Lust plays a big part in wanderers.

No marriage doesn’t have problems but when you learn to give more than take it seems to get you over the bumps. Lord know none of us are perfect.

We  were discussing the whys of this and came up to the conclusion that the moral teaching has disappeared from families and schools. Without morality people live without rules and the we have to have them. Not just for a few but for all of us.

I can remember growing up we always ate our meals together on the weekend. In the restaurant during the week we ate while working but we did have a family booth where the family sat. It is amazing how much you can say while eating. When C was coming to the restaurant he graduated from the counter to our booth rapidly. I can still remember the look dad gave him the first time. It is a shame today that we eat more drive in food than meals made from scratch. It the sign of the times and the beginning of family break down. Of course this is just my opinion.

My dad was the center of our holidays. When he was living we always made the trip home. That was one of the things we gave up was family holidays in our own home. And you know we gained more from that because it gave dad something to expect. I can better appreciate now because when I know any of the family is coming I mark the days off on the calendar.

I want to say that now the holidays are over I had the delightful experience of the special feeling that dad had after we visited him. I was so thankful after their visit.

A week later I had gone through a sort of rescue situation with Scout the Sheltie that DIL owns. She always followed DIL home when she came home from work after spending the day with me. One night she followed her home but wouldn’t go in when she opened the door and DIL couldn’t catch he to make her go in.

She disappeared  for two days and we just assumed she went off to die. She wasn’t eating and was a shekel walking around. In the meantime AR got a snow storm that brought freezing weather more than I have ever seen. I had attempted to sweep off the porch and ramp and when I did there was nothing but ice left. So I knew I would stay put for awhile.

I was ready to stop when I noticed Scout came scrawling out from under the ramp next to my steps I was cleaning. Now here is where the rescue begins. Scout was covered with snow that was stuck to her. I went down  the steps I cleared off and tried to pick her up which I couldn’t because I can’t bend that far down.You can imagine what a sight I was trying to pick her up by the scruff of her neck and hold on to the rail and cane at the same time. She was too heavy for my one hand I would get her front feet up the step and then try to lift her bottom up the step trying now to let her fall or myself either. I was near the top and I just couldn’t reach up from where I was and had to come holding her bottom on the step and to keep me from falling. I thought I might do well by sitting down the step and then scoot up step by step, You can imagine my surprise to find out I sat too low to be of any use to finish the job. Here I was stuck on the steps and not being able to get up myself. I prayed and asked the Lord for the skill to get her to the top and me too. It took me one hour to get her and me up five steps. When I got to the top I still couldn’t lift her and had to drag her one step at a time across the porch that is 14 by 16. Fortunately I left the door ajar and I was able  to drag her into the living room where I had a sheep skin to put her on. I only was able to get her head and shoulders on. I left her to get a towel so I could dry some. She was so cold she was shivering. When I got a large thick towel and threw it over her she looked up as if to say thank you.  As bet as we could determine she was out under the ramp the three days it was 18 to 25 degrees with weather people saying keep your pet in out of the cold. C and I felt awful but in all fairness she wouldn’t come in when we called. And by this time her back legs couldn’t work. C came from work and brought a small can of dog food and fed her and she ate it all.

After discussing  the situating she decided to put her down and I agreed because I couldn’t be of much help. We both knew the Vet would try to talk her out of it but the decision was best for the dog because she works all day and I am handicapped. So she wrapped her with the towel and took her home. She put her in her very large bathroom to lock her in for the night and its a good thing she did because she let go both ends scooting all over the floor. It broke both our hearts she had to suffer.

Until next time, I am Immigrant Daughter.